Let’s say a friend moved to a new city and is having a hard time meeting new people. This might lead to them feeling isolated and lonely.

They might say, “Of course I have no plans this weekend, because no one likes me.” 

If they are in a really negative frame of mind they might transpose those views on to you or your friend group. 

You might start to hear: “Of course no one likes us. We are terrible at making friends.” 

If comments like this increase in frequency, it’s okay to push back, Bryant said. Just don’t do it in a “hostile or argumentative way.” 

“When they say something that is putting you down or putting the whole group down, in one sentence refute it,” she said. “Counter it so it doesn’t sit there as truth.” 

In this situation you could say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, we are so fun!” 

While it’s okay to redirect in the moment, you might want to offer more substantial support to your friend later. 

“When people talk about depression, what they say is ‘how did nobody notice,'” Bryant said. “As opposed to thinking it helps to ignore it, it is actually harmful to the person and the friendship when we talk about them behind their backs.” 

If you want to check in on your friend, but don’t know where to start, Bryant offers some pointers: 

• Make sure you can handle a deeper conversation. Take stock of your own mental health and only approach your friend if you have enough in your tank, Bryant said. 
• Ask specific questions. If you start with “What’s up?” you’ll get an autopilot answer. Instead, ask questions that signal you want a real response. Bryant suggested “How has your week been?” or “How are you managing everything on your plate?” 
• Consider pace and timing. Slow down while asking questions. This indicates you don’t want a canned answer. Also make sure you have the time for a full conversation.
• Strike the right tone. “Full compassion, no judgment,” Bryant said. You want your friend to feel safe divulging. It might also help if you confide in them about a point in your life when you were struggling. 
• Follow up. If they say, “Oh, I’m fine,” ask again, Bryant said. If they insist they are content, let them know you’re available to talk if they change their mind.